Bite My Tongue
by superzedu
Summary: Cat goes out for the night with the Victorious crew but Jade manages to stir up her feelings to the point where she can't think reasonably anymore. One-shot; Cade. Cat POV.


You steal glances at her from across the lunch table because that is all you can really do. If you try to do as much as intend to talk to her you'll be verbally incinerated and that sort of harmful words make you sad. You've been in the sad place many times before - it may or may not have been because of her - and you hate it so you force yourself to not roam there.

She is forbidden territory so you keep your promised distance to her.

The temptation to talk to her bubbles up in your throat but you wrap your hands in your red, candy cotton hair to stop yourself because her gaze alone says _go die in a hole_.

See? You know how to keep somewhat of a truce but even you can't help but break it every now and then. You just want her to see you. Acknowledge you, talk to you. Maybe laugh, once in a while. A hug would be nice too but you know you'll never get more than maybe a half-hearted smile. You know that, you know that all too well.

Her eyes find yours and you linger to be mesmerized for just a little longer than you normally would. You can feel your cheeks start to burn uncomfortably and for a moment you think that maybe she notices because her lips quirk upwards lightly before she focuses somewhere more important. You know it's nothing, she barely bats an eye at you and yet your insides are beginning to throw a party - and you're uninvited.

"Hey, Cat," you hear Tori say your name and your head tilts, "Are you okay? You haven't said a word all this time."

You lie. "I'm fine! I was just thinking about my brother, you see, he bought three boxes of cornflakes for 40 percent off, but he didn't know they were expired so now he's sick because he ate too many of those little honeyed-dipped cereals and I'm just worried." you finally breathe, squeeze a smile out of your lips as you speak and they buy it.

"Your brother is weird."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Jade rolls her eyes at you, raven hair flying over her shoulders and you shrink back into your seat. You convince yourself that your brother is perfectly normal, yet you can't help but think that you and him are related - even you are smart enough to realize that - and simple logic would mean that Jade thinks _you're _weird too. Disappointment settles itself in the pit of your stomach.

She's always called you names and made a fool of you. Other people do too, for that matter. You know how to take it but you can't _not _let it affect you. As if it's your fault you're a highly sensitive person - or at least, that's what you always tell yourself. Because you're not a wuss. You refuse to be. You're not as weak as they might think.

You watch Jade's slender fingers play with Beck's messy hair and you feel even smaller than you felt before.

"Anyways, Kitkat," when Jade calls you that it's ten times more exciting than when your brother does it and you feel your throat tightening in pleasure, "we were just talking about the karaoke dinner party at Nozu's tonight, do you want to come too? It's probably going to be so lame I'd have to puke, but Vega insists."

"Hey! It's going to be loads of fun and Jade and I really want you to come."

"Whatever."

Your eyes dart between the two girls, eyebrows hunched in question and your mind is mulling over whether you should trust Tori's words because Jade's are so contradictory. Yet you feel your heart bouncing inside of your chest: you get to be with Jade. All night. And that's all you really want, isn't it?

The question is easily answered. "I'd love to come!"

* * *

Nozu is full of people by the time you arrive and you barely catch a glimpse of Jade, who's sitting in the corner with Beck before Tori assaults you with a hug. You haphazardly throw your arms around her but your eyes are glued on Jade, who is now feeding her boyfriend a piece of sushi. Your stomach knots together.

"Hey, Tori! Are you guys havin' fun yet?" you've learned to smile and laugh on command, "Sorry I'm late, my brother got something stuck in between his toes and I had to find the tweezers first before I could get it out." however, you do enjoy Tori's confusion.

"That's... wonderful, Cat! Come on, we're all waiting for you."

You follow the brunette to the table where all your friends sit, and you just talk. Once in a while someone gets up to sing a song, together or solo. The atmosphere is nice, you like the food they server and everyone is exceptionally kind. You find it an enjoyable evening.

The presence of Jade doesn't even quite bother you. Surely, your eyes drift to find hers, you melt away when she smiles - even if it's not at you - and you catch yourself staring occasionally, but there's nothing bad about it. You mentally cower away for a bit when she starts to talk to you out of the blue but you're relaxed about it, for once. You're having fun and your bad thoughts seem to leave you alone. Even for just a while. You can't help but smile all evening.

You didn't know things could take a turn for the better. You think you're all set for the evening, but of course Jade has to prove your confidence wrong.

"I'm going to sing a song," she promptly says, getting up from the table and stalking over to the stage and your eyes follow her eagerly, "Watch me."

You want to know what she's up to. "What song, Jade?"

Something barely audible stumbles past her lips which then curl into a mischievous smirk and you nearly die. Nervous eyes watch her as she talks to the guy who runs the karaoke and you wonder, you really wonder what song she is about to sing. You're anxious because you know that Jade needs a reason for everything she does.

The music starts all too soon, your gaze snaps towards the stage and Jade's voice completely throws you off. It's mesmerizing and you can only stare and listen in awe, mouth nearly dropping open.

Mellow, soft yet edgy words drift throughout the diner and you can't even hear the track that plays along with her. You're too focused on her voice, the wonderful poem she sings out, and you like to think it's just for you because she just keeps looking at you. Her voice is soothing like the sound of a waterfall in the middle of a forest and you find yourself at loss for thoughts. Hips swaying to the rhythm, eyes closing as she strains her vocal chords but so easily pitches along to the song so perfectly. Jade's perfect.

You're so busy absorbing everything she does that the actual lyrics only hit you a few moments later.

_The day breaks, you mind aches,  
There will be times when all the things she said  
Will fill your head, you won't forget her._

It takes you all your strength to not let the tears that sting in your eyes flow over onto your face. You don't know where the feeling suddenly comes from, but you can identify with the lyrics of the song so much that it hurts. You wonder if Jade secretly knows because her gaze is _still _on you. But that would be ridiculous. You've hid quite well, didn't you?

There is no way. It is just your imagination taking the better of you. Wishful thinking. You know you're making things up here. You've got to keep being reasonable.

Applause thunders through Nozu and you realize the song has ended. You didn't even notice, you were so captivated by Jade. You tear your eyes off her with difficulty and blink back your tears, swallowing down everything that you feel and you curse yourself for thinking it'd be okay tonight.

Jade walks back with a smile on her face and her hands land on your shoulders. You shiver. "How'd I do, Kitkat? Liked it?"

"Yeah! You were great!" you do think so, you really do, but somewhere you want to say more. You want to ask her _how did you know_? You want to ask her why she picked the song and you want to tell her how you feel and if she knows and a thousand other things that you just think of as you go. But you know that's no option. You know that. Sure you do.

So you bite your tongue because that's what you've always done. And old habits die hard.

* * *

**A/n: first Cade fic ever! I like this pairing a lot even though Jori is my otp forever. I think Cade is cute from time to time, so then again I wonder why this fic is so angsty. I don't know either, I just wanted it to be one-sided from Cat's POV because I like to think she's smarter than people think. I hope it came out well (:**

**The song Jade is singing is_ For No One_ by the Beatles. I love Liz's cover of it (:**

**Leave me a review?**  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious**


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